Globally, frustrated parents (especially fathers) are finding out about and rapidly embracing the new ‘You’re Doing It Exactly Right Strategy’ for raising children. From the steppes of the Mongolian desert to the Scottish Highlands and everywhere in between dads have found their children changing from easily bored and not-too-motivated progeny into what is in many people minds: good kids.
This change has happened rather suddenly partly because The Strategy (as it is called in parenting circles) is so easy to master that it can be adopted and put into practices by entire towns and cul-de-sacs in the space of a weekend. Unfortunately for the book selling industry, the simplicity of The Strategy is such that it’s tenets can be jotted down on the back of an index card and smart parents know that any pulp effort to write about this new practice is a mere effort to get at their money and little else.
The Strategy was developed in the United States by exiled Lithuanian pretender Murray Beasley, an aquaintance of Count Raoul’s. Nominally a renowned boulevardier and cheesy tart critic, Count Raoul raised (almost) three children himself with modest assistance from his wife, their mother.
Although his early parenting techniques could be called predictable during his children’s preadolescents, The Strategy itself is said to have come to him in a dream and immediately put into practice on his 18 year old son, his first child.
“Ironically, the old fashioned parenting technique of recounting your own childhood hardships is the catalyst for my ‘You’re Doing It Exactly Right Strategy’,” said the Count in a recent radio interview from Gstaad. “My technique is very simple, but at the same time rather difficult to execute” he continued in his affected continental lisp most real men despise.
“You tell your child that their petulant habits are in fact exactly how you behaved a generation ago and like magic, the little bugger does precisely the opposite just to prove you wrong. Last summer I told my son I was pleased he had not gotten a summer job and hoped he enjoyed growing fat during his school break as much as I did some thirty years ago. By the time I had returned from the Club, he was mowing the neighbor’s lawn and passing out flyers to passing motorists”.
Count Raoul cautions that The Strategy is not a simple reverse psychology ploy.
In the same interview he detailed the incredible complexities of the double negative motivational gambit. “It wasn’t easy yelling at my seventh grade daughter,” the Count remembered. “But when she shut off the telly and went upstairs to study at 7PM I knew I had to strike. I cautioned her to never let me see her doing homework again. This twisted reversal of motivational logic worked as I had prayed and she started doing her homework earlier and earlier just to get under my skin. That’s when I knew I had to share The Strategy with the world.”
So it’s just that simple and just that scary.
If using your own experiences fail to motivate your children; and you know they don’t, take a chance, be a Dad; tell them they’re doing everything exactly right.
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